Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Enjoy the moment! - caution DEEP

Life is all about stress. And anxiety. And overscheduling. And sometimes there's nothing to be done about it. Sure, someone can sit back and say, "Well, you really don't need to be doing that (or this or the other thing)", but in my mind there really isn't anything that can be let go... except..... the future.

This rather deep thought came to me last night as I was riding my motorcycle home, after work, in the rain. With the hard rain pelting my skin and face and feeling like hail, I decided to enjoy it. I might never ever ride again. Pretty unlikely, as that's my favorite mode of transport, but what if it did happen? What if the last ride I ever did was just endured, in my haste to get out of the rain, to get home. Or, what if it was enjoyed, and relished, and laughed at (a kind of "bring it on" type of mentality).

This is a big problem for me. I feel like I need to enjoy the journey more and forget about the destination and what I'll do when I get there. I think all of us do.

So, rather than fret and stew because it's raining really hard and the chicken coop won't get worked on, like I planned, I'll just enjoy the rain. It was really a soft, warm rain (just not out on the bike..), and it's not like it was 35 deg. And sure, my laundry was wetter when I got home than it was when I hung it out that morning, but you know what? It will dry! The chickens won't perish because I can't keep them in their pen. The garden will grow despite the weeds, but what won't happen is ever getting this day back again. It's gone. Kaput! Never to be relived, so live it while it's here. Or enjoy the moment, no matter what it brings. Or the best yet...just smile and let it go!

I struggle on a daily basis with depression and even more than that, anxiety. I am constantly trying to put a lid on this bubbling pot and keep it under control. And, because I really really really don't want that pot (and myself) to blow apart, I'm always aware of the little things that trigger this, ever under the surface, anxiety.

Right now, it's about money. In 5 mins it will be something else. I figure if I get good enough at talking myself down, then eventually it will become a habit, much like worrying about everything and everybody has become.

Just let it go and smile! Small words, big task, but I will win! Bring it!!

On a bit of a cuter note, I wrote yesterday about my baby buk-buk thinking it's a cow and roosting on the back of the calves, I took a picture and here it is! Too cute!!
And it's things like this that can make me smile, enjoy the moment, and truly relax!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yup as Jimmy would sing, "Breathe in breathe out move on".

The buk buk is soo cute!