Thursday, August 14, 2008

100 posts!

100 posts and none of them have anything to do with under-eye circles! I don't know how that one slipped by me.

But I'm nothing if not conscientious on these matters, so in sincere repentance, I will fix that.

Under Eye Circles.

Did someone smack me in my sleep? Am I not getting enough sleep? Are the cucumbers I've been instructed to put under my eyes to get rid of them not cold/hot/big/small/ripe enough? Or were they supposed to be pickled first? The tablespoons that are to go into the freezer and then put under the eyes, are they not frozen enough? Am I not taking enough B vitamins or eating enough spinach? (highly unlikely, I LOVE spinach!)

Come on, I can't get rid of these suckers for anything! I've even resorted to cover up (of the make up variety, which I own none of and don't know the proper way to use it anyway) doesn't work. Oh sure, I can photoshop it out in pictures, but in real life there's nothing that works.

So what to do????

Oh, oh, oh, pick me, pick me!! (hand waving wildly in the air..) Do you not know how to work the internet? Don't you know that Google is there, just waiting, for these all important, life altering questions? So I will search Google for an answer because I have nothing else to do.


Ok, you know what Google said, besides the tablespoons, cucumbers, tea bags, sleep, smacking.... options? Allergies! Yeah, you got it, not only does allergies cause runny noses and all sorts of skin issues, it also causes under eye circles. Ok, I can do this. I'm soooo a For The Moment kind of gal. So I took it a bit further and asked the Gurus of Google "what foods are most likely to cause these allergies?" And you know what they told me?

Are you ready?

Are you sitting?

Cause this is, again, life altering!

The highest probability of foods that cause allergies are wheat, dairy, sugar and yeast.

Ok, I'm all over it, until it's time to eat that is, because there is now nothing that I can eat!

Wheat is in basically everything, and yeast is in everything else! (even beer is out!) (gnashing of teeth and wailing, or, wailing of teeth and gnashing, depending on which version you care to go for, personally either way works for me).

And dairy? Come on, without dairy you have no yogurt, no cheese, no butter and basically, no dairy!

What blue-blooded, red-neck farm girl would be caught with a dairy allergy. That's one for Google!

Maybe I should just go back to sleep, that at least will eliminate the probability of sleep deprivation causing this.

So with breakfast right around the corner, I'm kind of caught here. So I'll drink my coffee first. Wait, no coffee because I have to have creamer with my coffee, which violates the dairy and sugar rules. But without my coffee, I just don't function, so we'll start this after the morning coffee.

Ok, now what can I eat for breakfast? Since my favorite smoothie thing is out (sugar and dairy) we're forced to be creative. Oatmeal. Yum, especially if you can't drown it in brown sugar. Next... eggs? Takes too long to cook besides I'd have to go out to the chicken coop and hunt some up and I have to eat first. Bacon and sausage? Too many ites and ates. Maybe I'll just go out and enjoy some alfalfa with the cows, I'm sure they'll share with me. Oh, wait, since they eat baled alfalfa, there's likely to be a bit of mold in it, again, yeast.

Well, at least on this diet I'll lose some weight!

Looks like we're back to fruits and vegetables and whole grains (of the un-wheat variety). But first I have to eat all of the food I already bought.

And that, my friends, is how I can talk myself all around a circle and right back to square one! It's a talent, a gift even, but, don't try this at home.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Omg... what is wrong with you? People look at you and me, and assume that I am going to be just like that. I cant live with that.