Thursday, August 7, 2008

Don't Talk To Me. Ever. I Will Bite You!

I need someone to make me a sign that says: Don't Talk To Me. Ever. I Will Bite You!
Seriously, this is why we don't usually find me in a public place unaccompanied. It's not that I am a mean sort who looks for innocent victims to bite, it's just that I am an anti-social sort, and am best just left alone. Actually, it's best to just leave me in the company of my critters, without much human contact at all. I'd make a real good hermit!

This was inspired by my trip to town yesterday, unaccompanied, to go to the chiropractor, as for some reason, every haying season finds me in his office, to get whacked around and make my body make noises that I don't really find natural. Not really painful noises, but uncomfortable, except when he's done, I can move again. So we put up with it, once a year.

After that, and a lengthy conversation with him (I know him, therefore am relatively comfortable carrying on a conversation with him), I think to myself: "Myself, I am in town anyway, might as well stop at the Army recruiting office to get the sign I want for my front yard, and since that is right next to the grocery store where The Mouth works as a Pharmacy Tech, I'll go in to get the onions and carrots for tonight's dinner, and drop off the sign for her to take home since I'm on my bike and all. (Just once, it would be fun to diagram these sentences, don't ya think?).

In the recruiter's office I go, and he doesn't just hand me a sign, like he's been doing all along, no, he wants to talk! There's no danger here, I'm way past the point of being recruited, seems he's just lonely and wants to talk. I don't. I don't talk to people I don't know, but apparently, that's a recruiter's strength so he talks, and I stand there, looking all dumb and everything and just nod politely and inch toward the door.

What happens next defies description. I got out the door and am walking with my "too large to put on my bike sign" and a couple of people sitting at the picnic table between recruiting office and grocery store see fit to strike up a conversation with me. Do people actually do this? Talk to others that they don't know? Is this a regular thing? Or is it possible that in my sleep, some idiot, in his/her best intentions to make me more sociable, has written in invisible ink on my forehead, "please talk to me, I'm a hermit and need to be socialized"? Come on.

I go into the grocery store, still carrying my sign, with a stunned look on my face because I've just been violated. The Mouth, takes my sign and asks what's wrong. I tell her and she assures me, between fits of laughter, that no, I do not display any such verbage on my forehead or any other place, and tells me to roll with it. Hermits do not roll. We cringe and crawl under immovable objects when spoken to, but we do not roll.

For some reason she finds this hilarious. I do not, but I'm used to her bouts of insanity, so I go on with my shopping.

Pick up my carrots and onions, remember I need toilet paper and a few other things (forgetting that I have my bike) and check out.

Yes, I did remember where I parked my truck, but forgot that it wasn't my truck that I parked, but my bike. And, yes, you got it. Another person had the nerve to approach me with questions about how I was going to transport all of this home. After demonstrating my acquired skills in creative bungi-ing, and the overdue oohs and aaahs that are deserved for one so creative, they finally leave me alone. And I go home.

This morning, I'm still in shock. Why would perfect strangers talk to me and especially, why would I expect to go into town, ALL BY MYSELF AND EVERYTHING, and expect anything different? Because usually I make The Mouth go with me and she fields any unexpected and unwanted advances.


OK, I'm done.

No, new homestead news, but I did find my camera, right where I left it, and here are pictures, as sort of promised of the recent stealth knitting completion:

The first is a close-up of the cute button I found in my stash, and the second is the sweater itself. It's really a lot cuter in real life, really gotta figure out how to adjust the settings on my Awesome Camera That I Bought Myself For My Birthday A Few Years Ago.

Tonight is Knit-Night so I'll be working on my next to finish project, pictures hopefully coming on Monday!


Anonymous said...

If you truly want people to leave you alone you'll need to move to the city. Strangers that come up to talk to you all comes with the small town charm. You should be glad that people are so friendly there.

Anonymous said...

Hellooo...and you want off your meds why???? Maybe you're not people shy, maybe you're just getting to be a cranky "older" person! lol